i am sorry

I can not be who you think I am
only because that is how you remember me
Even if it were to save the house

I remember too that way I used to be, and I’ll admit
It was fun to be that again
because it made me feel young
strong, irreverent and carefree
It helped me to forget
that I am dying

But I can’t hurt people
Who love me today
and I can’t set that example
for those who will go looking
when someday they are
trying hard to remember
what I was like
as a person

I raised some hell
back then, I did
Sparks on the ground
like when a muffler drags
and I have no regrets
except that I tried to go back
and in doing so I hurt people who
trusted me

How do I want to be remembered
hard to say, when I have lost myself
entirely in this grief
and I barely recognize the ghost
in the mirror

But who I used to be
can’t be who I am today
because I don’t have enough time
left, to make anything up
to anyone, should I need to
say, I am sorry